How many of us pray to God for things and circumstances we long for? God tells us to tell him the desires of our hearts, and boy was I doing that 5-6 years ago. I wanted another child. I did not understand why, others could have as many children as they wanted and I could not have as many as I wanted. And did I pour out my heart to God. Prayers for understanding, prayers that I could have another child, prayers for peace, and prayers for healing. I knew God heard my prayers. I knew that his plans were not always my plans.
It took a couple of years, but about 3 years ago, I stopped those prayers. God had given me a family. The family he wanted me to have. I would be thankful and content in his blessings. I looked on the bright side, the kids were doing excellent in school, by the time both would be graduated from college, Dave and I would still be in our 40's. We would still be young enough to do and enjoy things that we had passed on having a family so young. Those dreams of another child faded and we lived our lives.
Then in the middle of January I found out I was pregnant. We were surprised. We were shocked. We were terrified. For a long time I kept referring to this pregnancy as unexpected or surprise. This baby was both, but then this past Sunday at church during worship, I felt God speak to me. Not in an audible voice, but in a very distinct thought. "Why is this child a surprise? You have prayed for this child for years. I have answered your prayers." God had his plan, it did not make sense at the time, and still does not really, but his plans are not my own.
I had prayed for this child. Why would I be surprised to get an answer, even if that answer was years after I had stopped praying for that child. This baby is a blessing and an answer to years of prayers. God's timing is not our timing. His ways are not ours. Knowing that he has heard my heart and my prayers and answered them in his timing. This child is no longer the unexpected baby or the surprise baby, this child is the child I have prayed for.
Love this. I'm sure the waiting was miserable at times. But what an awesome testimony you can share now in your years of waiting.
ReplyDeleteWhen my (then) youngest was five, he prayed for a brother. I had had several abdominal surgeries and already had for kids so I thought, "yeah right." The doctors told me pregnancy was unlikely due to the surgeries.
ReplyDeleteI became pregnant. My son was so excited. We lost that baby at 13 weeks. I felt guilty because I didn't much of the 13 weeks coming to terms with the change in life plans. About the time I accepted it, our little baby was in heaven. My sin was devastated. But he continued to pray.
As I inched closer to 40, I thought for sure his prayer would not be answered but we left the possibility open.
The month before I wss going to get my tubes tied, we found out we were expecting. My son had waited 5 years, nearly half his life, to have a baby brother. And it was a boy!
All that to say, I understand!
When my (then) youngest was five, he prayed for a brother. I had had several abdominal surgeries and already had for kids so I thought, "yeah right." The doctors told me pregnancy was unlikely due to the surgeries.
ReplyDeleteI became pregnant. My son was so excited. We lost that baby at 13 weeks. I felt guilty because I didn't much of the 13 weeks coming to terms with the change in life plans. About the time I accepted it, our little baby was in heaven. My sin was devastated. But he continued to pray.
As I inched closer to 40, I thought for sure his prayer would not be answered but we left the possibility open.
The month before I wss going to get my tubes tied, we found out we were expecting. My son had waited 5 years, nearly half his life, to have a baby brother. And it was a boy!
All that to say, I understand!