Over this Child I Have Prayed

How many of us pray to God for things and circumstances we long for? God tells us to tell him the desires of our hearts, and boy was I doing that 5-6 years ago. I wanted another child. I did not understand why, others could have as many children as they wanted and I could not have as many as I wanted. And did I pour out my heart to God. Prayers for understanding, prayers that I could have another child, prayers for peace, and prayers for healing. I knew God heard my prayers. I knew that his plans were not always my plans.

It took a couple of years, but about 3 years ago, I stopped those prayers. God had given me a family. The family he wanted me to have. I would be thankful and content in his blessings. I looked on the bright side, the kids were doing excellent in school, by the time both would be graduated from college, Dave and I would still be in our 40's. We would still be young enough to do and enjoy things that we had passed on having a family so young. Those dreams of another child faded and we lived our lives. 

Then in the middle of January I found out I was pregnant. We were surprised. We were shocked. We were terrified. For a long time I kept referring to this pregnancy as unexpected or surprise. This baby was both, but then this past Sunday at church during worship, I felt God speak to me. Not in an audible voice, but in a very distinct thought. "Why is this child a surprise? You have prayed for this child for years. I have answered your prayers." God had his plan, it did not make sense at the time, and still does not really, but his plans are not my own.

I had prayed for this child. Why would I be surprised to get an answer, even if that answer was years after I had stopped praying for that child. This baby is a blessing and an answer to years of prayers. God's timing is not our timing. His ways are not ours. Knowing that he has heard my heart and my prayers and answered them in his timing. This child is no longer the unexpected baby or the surprise baby, this child is the child I have prayed for.

Surprise!!! We're Having a Baby!

It's been almost 16 weeks since I told Dave those words. Life was going. We have two wonderful children Jon who is 15 and a freshman and Zoe who is 12 and in 7th grade. I had long ago given up the dream of having more children.

My pregnancy with Zoe was complicated, she tried being born 11 weeks early, thankfully because of the wonderful doctors she was only born 17 days early. However, they made it very clear that we shouldn't have any more kids, they were not sure exactly why I went into labor or what caused all the complications, but they did not feel it was worth the risk. At the time I was okay with that. I was 21, married, 2 kids, and a junior in college. Life was about surviving and boy did we do that.

As the years passed, there was this longing. A longing at times that was small and at others was so strong I would cry in the middle of the night. I had always wanted a larger family. I was one of two and thought how great it would be to have more than two children. However, as the years passed and we got into the grove that is life, I gave up that dream. It took a while, but I came to a place of peace about where God had put our lives.

Back to the Surprise

Right after school came back from Winter Break, I was subbing in an elementary school, where a ton of kids were going home sick. So when I started not feeling good, I was like oh well I got what they had. Um no. After a week and half of not really getting sick, but not being able to eat because my stomach was so upset, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I had taken a few before when I was a few days late, but they always came back negative. I assumed this time it would be the same. Boy was I wrong. There it was a plus sign. I went and told Dave right away. I was shocked and he was shocked. We decided I would take another one in the morning, and this time I got one that would say how far along we were. There it was pregnant 3-4 weeks.

This is real. Confirmed with my doctor, then made an appointment with an OB. First appointment with the OB. They start the ultrasound and I hear a heartbeat, okay not 3-4 weeks, but more like 6 weeks, then the OB says you're 10 weeks along and due at the end of August. 10 weeks!!! How am I 10 weeks!! I was shocked, texted Dave, he only wanted to make sure I was not pregnant with twins, which I'm not. A lot has happened, and more will be written, but I wanted to share how we found out.

A family picture from November, while we were still a family of 4.